The Art of the Ninja-Mother

In the course of my life, I sometimes find it necessary to pare down our possessions. Because my children make priceless treasures out of questionable items, I often have to do this on the sly. Here is the technique:

When getting rid of broken toys (or not broken but terribly annoying toys) from a child's room, it is best to employ the art of Ninja-mothering. I, myself, have almost perfected this difficult parenting style. It involves Moving noiselessly into and out of closets while humming your chosen theme song and carrying loads of these toys. One must learn to crouch behind laundry and potted plants in a believable way, peer around corners with back pressed to the wall and duck into the shadows at a moments notice, becoming invisible and undetectable. It is helpful to wear something in the same shade as your wall for this maneuver.

There are also the secondary and much underrated skills of slipping something into the trash in such a nonchalant way as to avoid all suspicion and, of course, swaying like a snake to distract them from what's in your hands.

Of course, you could do this while they are at school but I wouldn't recommend passing on this chance to hone your skills.

Despite all my cautions, sometimes I get caught. I know when this happens. I hear someone wailing, "Whyyy is my special Q-Q-Q-tip in the gaaaaaarbage?" Then I just do what everyone else in the family does when in trouble.....Blame it on Brooklyn.

Credit to Elisa Moulton for the idea of Ninja parenting.