Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Art of the Ninja-Mother

In the course of my life, I sometimes find it necessary to pare down our possessions. Because my children make priceless treasures out of questionable items, I often have to do this on the sly. Here is the technique:

When getting rid of broken toys (or not broken but terribly annoying toys) from a child's room, it is best to employ the art of Ninja-mothering. I, myself, have almost perfected this difficult parenting style. It involves Moving noiselessly into and out of closets while humming your chosen theme song and carrying loads of these toys. One must learn to crouch behind laundry and potted plants in a believable way, peer around corners with back pressed to the wall and duck into the shadows at a moments notice, becoming invisible and undetectable. It is helpful to wear something in the same shade as your wall for this maneuver.

There are also the secondary and much underrated skills of slipping something into the trash in such a nonchalant way as to avoid all suspicion and, of course, swaying like a snake to distract them from what's in your hands.

Of course, you could do this while they are at school but I wouldn't recommend passing on this chance to hone your skills.

Despite all my cautions, sometimes I get caught. I know when this happens. I hear someone wailing, "Whyyy is my special Q-Q-Q-tip in the gaaaaaarbage?" Then I just do what everyone else in the family does when in trouble.....Blame it on Brooklyn.

Credit to Elisa Moulton for the idea of Ninja parenting.


Krystal said...

You had me LAUGHING OUT LOUD with this post! I love the writing you do! You are so descriptive, and have a wonderful variety of vocab to add to your vision. All I can say is, no wonder your children have such vivid imaginations - they are just like YOU! What a great quality to have!

I was laughing even more as I was reading because I completely understand what you are talking about! I too have become a Ninja-Mother.....I do not feel I am as skilled as you yet. I now have another new years goal - become as good as Andrea at sneaking and sliding through the house on my mission to de-junk!

Charity said...

Although I must admit that my response to the "why is my *insert random priceless item* in the garbage?" question, is usually to say, "how did that get there?", assuring them I would never have committed such an act.

Heidi Lindsay said...

I adore you Andrea! lol. Loved it. Go ninja mommy!

Michaelangelo said...

Right there with you Andrea! You have such a way with words!! I want to buy your books someday :) Poor Brooklyn!